My New Computer.... errrr, PHONE

For awhile now I've wanted and even needed a new cell phone.  23 months ago I took out a 36 month contract with Telus Mobility, and I got a nice new phone for free by signing that contract. Just a few months later, I accidentally ruined my phone by forgetting to take it out of a jacket pocket before washing the jacket.  It was only in the sink of water for a couple minutes before I realized what I had done and grabbed it out, but that was enough, too much even, as it was beyond saving already.  My friend Dan loaned me his old phone for around a year, then my friend Joyce's daughter Melissa gave me an old phone she no longer wanted or needed.  She couldn't find the charger for it, but it was Samsung which is what I had ruined, so I still had the charger and it worked.  After about a year or so with this phone, I was really wanting a new one.  This phone liked to unlock itself and pocket/purse dial, so made too many calls without my knowledge.  Also, even with it on top volume, I often could not hear it ringing and was beginning to have trouble hearing the person on the other end of the call talking.  No, there is nothing wrong with my ears, but the phone was on that slippery slope to 'done'.

Yesterday, I found out that it would cost me $58.31 for my 'equipment buy out' since I needed the new phone with 13 months remaining of the 3 year contract.  I was told this when I phoned the Client Care at Telus Mobility,  yet when I was at the phone store, I not only had to pay that charge, but also an 'in store' non-wavable charge on $30.  For this they show me the phone and talk me into buying it.  Oh, okay, so they also put in SIM card, or since my old phone didn't have one, she put one in, and changed my 101 Contacts over to the new phone as well as switched the memory card from old to new phone.   She tried to sell me a 'care package' for $70 instead of the $30 thing, but I said NO.  So, $91.70 (12% tax on the $30) later I have a phone worth $650.00 plus the 12% tax.  So that is, when you think of it, pretty good I guess.

Given the choice of blue or white, I chose the blue phone.

The plan I had was $46 plus taxes per month and included: 200 anytime air minutes, unlimited incoming local calls (not sure if it included long distance incoming calls), free unlimited evenings and weekends starting at 5pm, caller ID and Voice Mail.  I now have a different plan for $50 plus taxes per month: 200 anytime air minutes, 10 Favorites so I can call them or they can call me free of charge and I can change who is on my Faves List whenever I want to, evenings and weekends starting at 6pm, caller ID and Voice Mail.  I think that covers everything. The gal at Telus, who I talked to over the phone before going to the store, told me the 3 numbers I talk to most... and she figured I would get better use of this plan than I did of the other one.  I'm going to have to check and see if those are just local calls or include long distance ones too, I think it includes all within Canada.

Now.... I need to buy a screen protector and a case, 

though most cases seem to come with the screen protector..... and the big thing.....

I have to learn how to use this newfangled computer they call a phone!!

I am very grateful to have this great new phone as I need my one and only phone to be dependable.
I am grateful I had the money with which to buy this fancy new phone.
I am grateful I get to go back to the store to get 45 minutes of one on one instruction, provided by Telus Mobility to purchasers of the Iphones and Samsung Galaxy S3.

"Cleaning Poem"

I used to write a lot of poetry, and still occasionally write one or two poems.  I love writing them and hope the creativity and the 'flow of words' one day returns to me... the sooner the better, in my opinion.  In the meantime, I will share this poem with you. It came to me in an email and it pretty much describes me!! 

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

"Cleaning Poem"

I asked the Lord to tell me
Why my house is such a mess?
He asked if I'd been 'puting,
And I had to answer "yes"

He told me to get off my butt
And tidy up the house
And so I started cleaning up...
The smudges off my mouse.

I wiped and shined the topside
That really did the trick...
I was just admiring my work...
I didn't mean to 'click'

But click, I did, and LOL I found
A real absorbing site
That I got SO way into...
I was into it all night
<<Sigh>>

Nothing's changed except my mouse
It's very, very shiny
I guess my house will stay a mess...
While I sit here on my hiney.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

 

Even More Christmas Humour

Before I shut the computer down, I want to leave you with one last laugh about Christmas.

More Chirstmas Humour

Christmas Humour

Christmas is near and the jokes are flying through the emails and on Facebook.  Many are not worth sharing, though some are funny and I have decided to share some of those ones here.  I hope you enjoy them.

Six Cartons of Milk?

A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get six."
 
A short time later the husband comes back with six cartons of milk.

The wife asks him, "Why did you buy six cartons of milk?"
 
He replied, "They had avocados."

If you're a woman, I'm sure you're going back to read it again! Men will get it the first time.


I got this in an email. I am a woman and I got it the first time, didn't have to read it a second time.  Perhaps that's because I grew up with a father and 2 brothers, have had boyfriends and 2 husbands as well as male friends (buddies). Sheeeesh, when I read this I wanted to slap the guy. Thank God not all men are this stupid.... there is no cure for stupid. Okay, so it's kind of funny, and it is a great example of how men really don't listen to what women say.  In any relationship, communication is vitally important and obviously there is not much of that in the above story.  Good for a laugh, though.  Hope you enjoyed it. 

Humor.... or Humour, depending which country you live in

These are just too priceless and great, clean British humor.  Another email for me to share with you.

BRITISH HUMOUR IS DELIGHTFULLY DIFFERENT from what we have here in Canada, and to me both are great.

These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers:
_________________________________
________________________________________


FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old, Hateful little bastard. Bites!

___________________________________________

FREE PUPPIES
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.

________________________________________________

FREE PUPPIES. Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

_______________________________________________________

COWS, CALVES - NEVER BEEN BRED.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.

____________________________________________________

JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer £100.

_____________________________________________________

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE.
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.

___________________________________________________

FOR SALE BY OWNER. Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition, £200 or best offer.
No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.

(Statement of the Century)

___________________________________________________


Thought from the Greatest Living Modern, humorous Scottish Thinker - Billy Connolly.

"If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, how come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?"

___________________________________________

Children Are Quick

TEACHER: Why are you late?
STUDENT: Class started before I got here.

____________________________________

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your maths multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.

__________________________________________

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong.
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

(I Love this child)

____________________________________________

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.

__________________________________

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!

__________________________________________

TEACHER: to little Freddy, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are Sir.

________________________________

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand?

______________________________________

TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.

______________________________

TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's.. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.

(I want to adopt this kid!!!)

___________________________________

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher

__________________________________

Due to current economic conditions 

the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.

Mewsic & Daisy Rock

When I feel down, or when I want to get extra house work done,  I find it helps a lot to crank up the stereo and listen to some good music.  Usually something fast, like Country Rock or Classic Rock is what I love to listen to and to 'bop' to.  I also like to play with my animals to give my mood that little extra 'up'.  Music and animals both always add to my day in so many ways.  I named my cat Mewsic, a reflection on my enjoyment of listening to and singing along with good tunes, as well as that I love the sound of the mews and purrs she makes.... "My cat's purrs are Mewsic to my ears!!"   One of my Chinchillas is named Daisy and I like to sometimes call her Daisy Rock!  She is a real solid in my life and she is so cute and loving .  This little creature really "rocks" in my opinion.   Okay, so maybe I have a strange sense of humor, but I think that also adds joy to my life.  Laughter is so healing as is Love of animals and humans.

B.I.T.C.H.

B.I.T.C.H.

Beautiful

Intelligent

Totally in

Control of

Herself 

 

 *******************

 Brilliant

Independent

Talented  

Confident

Heavenly

 *******************

Blogging

Information,

 Teaching

Creatively and

Harmoniously

*******************

 Just a few 'creative' ideas. 

 I'm sure you can come up with some more.

 

How to be a Gracious Bitch

Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement - not even her parent's nasty divorce. Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear, and would be the best-dressed mother-of-the-bride ever!

A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new, young wife had bought the exact same dress as her mother! Jennifer asked her father's new young wife to exchange it, but she refused. ''Absolutely not! I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm wearing it,'' she replied.

Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, ''Never mind sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day.''

A few days later, they went shopping, and did find another gorgeous dress for her mother.  When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, ''Aren't you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it."

Her mother just smiled and replied, ''Of course I do, dear.....I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night BEFORE the wedding.''

Drinking and Driving

I would like to share an experience with you about drinking and driving.

As you well know, some of us have been lucky not to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from various social sessions over the years.

A couple of nights ago, I was out for a few drinks with some friends and had a few too many beers and then topped it off with a margarita. Not a good idea.

Knowing full well I was at least slightly over the limit, I did something I've never done before: I took a taxi home.

Sure enough I passed a police road block but because it was a taxi, they waved it past.

I arrived home safely without incident, which was a real surprise.

I have never driven a taxi before and am not sure where I got it. 

Okay, so it was a joke I got in an email.  It was funny so I thought I would share it!! Hope you got a chuckle out of it.  Seriously, though, if you are going out drinking, please do not drive home, get a ride with a sober driver.  You might save some lives!!

Do You Have Small Children???

  (Anyone who has ever dressed a child will love this)

   

Did you hear about the teacher who was helping one of her class pupils put on his boots?  He asked for help and she could see why. Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots still didn't want to go on. By the time they got the second boot on, she had worked up a sweat. She almost cried when the little boy said, 'Teacher, they're on  the wrong feet. She looked, and sure enough, they were.

 

It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on.   She managed to keep her cool as, together, they worked to get the boots back on, this time on the correct feet.

He then announced, 'These aren't my boots.'

She bit her tongue, rather than get right in his face and scream,  'Why didn't you say so?' like she wanted to.
 

Once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet. No sooner had they gotten the boots off when he said, 'They're my brother's boots. My Mum made me wear 'em.'
 

Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry. But she mustered up what grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again. 

 

Helping him into his coat, she asked, 'Now, where are your mittens?'
 

He said, 'I stuffed 'em in the toes of my boots.'
 

She will be eligible for parole in three years.

Finished and Complete

No English dictionary has been able to explain adequately the difference between the two words.

In a recently held linguistic competition held in London, England attended by the best in the world, Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese man from Bachelors Adventure, was the clear winner with a standing ovation lasting over 5 minutes.

Here is his answer which made him receive an invitation to dine with the Queen who decided to call him after the contest. He won a trip to travel the world in style and a case of 25 year old Eldorado rum for his answer.

His final question was this.... How to explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand. Some people say there is no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED .

Here is his astute answer ....

When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE.
And when you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED.
And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!

Funny Story

Here is a cute, short story I got in an email from a friend of mine that often send me jokes.

 

While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch.  After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant and resumed their trip. When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table, and she didn't miss them until they had been driving for about forty minutes. By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around and return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses.
  

All the way back, the elderly husband became the classic grouchy old man. He fussed and complained, and scolded his wife relentlessly during the entire return drive.The more he chided her, the more agitated he became. He just wouldn't let up for a single minute.
 

To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant. As the woman got out of the car and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, the old geezer yelled to her... 

"While you're in there, you might as well get my hat and the credit card."

Good for a LAUGH!!

 Some more humor for your enjoyment.

Good for a LAUGH!!

I have been downloading several pictures with short bits of words on them.... these ones are all to give you a bit of a giggle, after all, laughter is the best medicine.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

Today, my sister Marcy turned 60!!  WOW, it is hard to believe, time really flies by so fast, seems like just yesterday we were still kids.  I hope you are having a fabulous birthday, M!! Wish I could celebrate it with you.

Today, my dear friend Brooks turned 48. Hard to believe... seems like just yesterday he was only 47.  LOL. Here's hoping your day has been awesome, M' Lord. I wish I could be there helping you celebrate!

A Great Friday

Yesterday my plans were to go to the chiropractor, then to the food bank to do my volunteer hours. I don't have a regular schedule for this, just drop over to the food bank whenever I have time to give. Well, when I came out of the chiropractor's office, I saw my buddy Phil having coffee out on the picnic table at Chevron, just across the street, so over there I went, got a tea and joined him.

When we were leaving, a car pulled up and it was my friend Lorraine whom I haven't seen since last summer. She had seen my trike so stopped to say Hi. As we were finishing a short visit, a guy on a Harley comes in, backs in beside my trike, right where Phil's Harley had been, and just sits on his bike. Lorraine leaves and this guy starts talking to me about my trike. That led to other topics of conversation. He lives in the town where I grew up, where Mom still lives as do some of the other family bits and pieces. He knows my sister Marcy, used to work with her husband Randy, knows many others I have known or have heard of over the years. He bought me another cup of tea, himself a coffee and cigar and we sat there chatting. Since I missed the time frame I'd have to be at the food bank, I decided to ride out to visit an elderly friend of mine, on Gerald's way home, so we rode out together. I decided to stop at a view area, a nice little park over looking Otter Lake. Gerald pulled in behind me "I was hoping you'd stop here!" So we sat there talking for some time too. Finally, we rode together to Armstrong, then he continued on. I had called Glen from the view area and had to kill a bit of time for him to get home, so treated myself to a ice cream cone at McDonalds then rode out to Glen's. Had a nice visit there. By the time I got back it was later than I had planned, so I didn't make it to the Spiritual Gathering I go to each Thursday evening. I phoned friends in Lillooet, planning to ride over there (about 5 hour ride as I have to stop every 100km to fuel up the trike's little gas tank), but there was no answer. SO... today I made it to the food bank. I am once again all caught up on my filing there, and I printed out some recipe labels that were needed for our food bank as well as the one in nearby Enderby. It was all in all a great Friday.

Beware of the ITIS family!!

When I was a kid I had an ongoing relationship with Tonsil Itis, missing school each time he came around, and that was fairly often as I remember it. My parents did everything they could to make Tonsil Itis go away, but he always sneaked back to me. I was 17 years old when they finally were able to take steps to have him cut out of my life permanently.

In my later 20s or early 30s, without my permission, Arthur Itis moved in with me. He's lived here for quite some years now and I don't seem to be able to move him out, apparently once he's moved in you can not make him leave, though I keep trying. I admit I have learned to live with Arthur for the most part, and though he can some days be a 'real pain', we have managed to co-exist.

Several months back now, Arthur moved one of his cousins in too... without even asking me!!! I got right on it and managed to evict Bronch Itis fairly quickly. I thought all would be well and all but forgot the incident.

One week ago today I felt something untoward was afoot around here. It turned out that another Itis had moved in! This time it was Laryng Itis, another of Arthur's cousins. When I went to the authorities about this, I was assured that Larnyg was only here on vacation and would be gone again in 2-3 days. Thank God for that... or so thought I. He is still popping in and out of my life, trying his best to keep hanging around and interrupting my conversations.

I hadn't thought at all about Bronch Itis until earlier this week when he moved right back in again, the sneaky bugger!! As if that isn't enough, Bronch brought his twin brother Sinus Itis and their 2 buddies Nasty Phlegm and Lotsa Snot! I am currently taking stops to evict them all. Though it feels today like they will never leave me alone, I must have faith and know that they indeed will soon be out of my life. They are a nasty gang of ruffians and I want them gone!!

So, as you can see, I have had nothing but problems with members of the infamous Itis family!! I have heard that Arthur has 2 girl cousins that are also very nasty and in fact, can be quite dangerous and even life threatening, so please watch out for Appendas Itis and Pancreat Itis. Lock your doors and do NOT allow them entry!!

Sincerely;
Alice "Trinity" Price

Cute