My Want List

There are a lot of things I would like to have and some things I think I might like to try out.  This list I am about to make will include both.

- a new trike
- work done on my truck
- a new laptop computer
- new furniture
- new kitchen cupboards
- to try using hgh
- to have a deck or patio built in my back yard
- a water feature in my garden/yard, with fish in it
- to travel to other countries
- to meet some of the people I have a Facebook friends
- have someone come in regularly to clean my home

Some of these things I will get and some not likely, but hey, first the dream must come before things actually show up in your life.

Surfing for Info

As with everyone else, there are areas I know about and areas I know nothing about, so I like to do research on lots of different topics. I find that the internet is a really great resource for researching so many things.  For example, I just researched the Parrot Plant, a most beautiful plant that I once had but don't now and would like to get another one. Some of the other things I have researched include: bird care, bird breeding, plants of various kinds, herbs to grow and herbs to plant in my garden. A few things I haven't looked into include: side effects of hydroxycut, how to make beer, building boats, to name just a few. I could go on and on about what I have researched, what I have not, and what I might look into in the future.

Laptops

I currently Hewlett Packard Pavilion and acer aspire laptops.  Each of these 2 computers has things I like and things I would change. I must admit that, over all, the one I paid the least for, the Acer Aspire, has been the better of the two.  However, the last while I am almost constantly getting a message that the CPU is being over worked and the computer is just so very slow way too often.  I guess this has to do with the fact that computers are out dated before they reach the store shelves to be sold to us. Add to this the fact that the programs we use are always being updated and needing more power to run than they did before, and I guess it causes this kind of problems. I would love to buy a nice new laptop, one with a really really big CPU and equally big Hard Drive & RAM, a computer that would last me for several years without problems.  Yup, that would be great.

If Only...

There are so many things I want to do, places I want to go.  Wow, I sure could use a pocket or purse full of gold coins.  I have been thinking about getting a small welder, electric not gas, and learn to weld so I would be able to create statues and other cool things for yard and garden.  Not only could I decorate my own yard/garden, but could also possibly sell them and make a bit of money.  I also could use some extra money to get my trike rebuilt and back on the road. I'm having troubles with my laptop and would like to get a new one.  To do some traveling would be awesome, a water feature in my garden would be grand, new furniture almost a must have as mine is just junk. I could go on and on here... yet I won't just now.

Eagles

Rose phoned me and was telling me that she & her husband went for a drive today to do with his roofing business.  They spotted 2 trees along the way that were full of bald eagles.  I wish I had been there with my camera with its zoom lens, &/or a good set of bushnell binoculars.  I love eagles and would love to get some good photos of a bunch together like that.  It is so great to see more eagles around these days.  For some time they were endangered but the numbers seem to be increasing again and for this I am very grateful.  For now I will be happy to look at other peoples photos of this incredible bird.

PTSD - Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

I have  been diagnosed with this disorder... and it is, as much as I dislike labels, a relief to admit it and to know that I am not going crazy.  After the crash in September, every time I closed my eyes I saw the blue car suddenly in front of me again and relived the moments of impact... the moment when the car and my trike impacted and the moment my body, having flown up from the trike, slammed into the car.  In time, it passed so I could close my eyes and sleep again without this happening, though still it was something of a fight to keep that movie from replaying. Even now I can close my eyes and, if I allow it, I can see the details of the crash and the aftermath of it.  I still wonder who the guy was that helped me...well, there were 2 very nice men that came and helped me until the paramedics and ambulance attendants arrived, and it would be nice to know who both of them were so I could say 'thank you'... and yet I would really like to know who the one was that was wearing a skullcap type helmet and an orange on black Harley jacket.  Yes, there are a lot of things that were amazingly clear and stay that way in my mind.

One day in January, I was driving my truck down a street in town and a small blue car was driving towards me.  Suddenly I saw this car cross the center line and enter into my lane!!!  My heart flew into my throat, to say the least, and as I blinked I saw the car was back in it's own lane.  I realized in that moment that it had never left it's correct lane, but I had just had a flash back to September 10 when there really was a little blue car that suddenly came into my lane making a left turn... and we collided.

There have been many times when I stressed really easy since the crash, even over not being able to figure out how to use a new cell phone.  I really shocked my friend Dan when he saw me flip out over the phone.  I am usually so calm and so able to figure almost anything out.  He took the phone and figured it out then showed me how to use it.  It was simple!!  This is not a difficult phone to use, but I was on stress overload and just couldn't deal. 

I have never doubted that I will ride my trike again starting this year, once the new one is built and I recover from the upcoming 2nd surgery on my wrist.... never that I would allow myself to think about anyway, until the last couple days.  Now I know it may not be as easy as I want it to be and that stuffing the feeling down where I don't acknowledge it isn't going to help.  I need to do something about it.  I need to have counseling.  I am looking forward to starting that counseling as soon as possible... and yet part of me is dreading it too.  It would be easier to just take the drugs my doctor has offered to give me, easier but not the way I want to go.  I don't like taking meds.