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I saw something on the TV news tonight (hey, I watch what Mom watches) about St. Pat's Day and how hoomans drink lots of green stuff, like green beer and wine. Yuck. Just give me water any ol' day of the week.
Anyway, Mom's friend Jamey emailed her some stupid Irish jokes. She took and changed names and a few other words to make them 'genetic' so no one would get offended at 'racist' jokes. She posted 2 of 'em to her blog, then let me have the other 2 to share woof you here, ya hear? (Arf, arf, arf... that was a play on words).
Into a pub comes Joe, looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp.
“What happened to you?" asks Mac, the bartender.
"Jamie Smith and me had a fight," says Joe.
"That little shit, Smith," says Sean, "He couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand."
"That he did," says Joe, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it."
"Well," says Mac, "you should have defended yourself, didn't you have something in your hand?"
“That I did," said Joe. "Mrs. Smith's breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight."
A man who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over.
"So," says the cop to the driver, “where have ya been?"
"Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.
"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening."
"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
Mom says that if you don't like the jokes, just go drink some more green beer, cuz drinking lots of green beer makes everything funnier. (Hoomans.... sheeesh!)
Have a WOOFENDERFUL MANIC MONDAY